papers

well..... we got our new client papers in yesterday!!! started filling it out,and realized that this is really gonna happen! CAN'T WAIT! found out by a friend that went there that the dr.'s will check our blood type to see his sperm and my eggs will even connect. that was one of my questions to them, i have another friend that they had her do all her shot first then did that test,and her eggs wouldn't take his sperm. so.... she had two choices, egg donor or adoption. what a waist of money for her these meds are not cheap! so i was so happy to hear that. she also told me that you get really used to shots. between all the test the dr takes and your shots you'll never look at needles the same. OUCH!! but i know God will give the strength to get through it all!
it seems like november is so far away but i know it will be here before we know it. i'm already counting down the days! until next time God bless!

FIRST STEP

WELL YESTERDAY WAS A REALLY BAD DAY FOR ME. I HAVEN'T HAD ONE IN A WHILE AND BOY DID IT EVER HIT.... I CRIED ALL DAY,FELT LIKE I WAS DRIVING BRICE AWAY I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS FALLING OFF THE DEEP END. BUT..... THEN BRICE AND I TALKED WE HAD MANY THINGS IN OUR LIFE THAT WE HAD TO MAKE DECISIONS ON SUCH AS.... NEW FLOORING IN OUR HOUSE,NEW ROOF,OR TRYING TO BUY A HOUSE IN THE COUNTRY. OH AND TRYING TO GO ON VACATION! YEAH ALONG WITH TRYING TO GET PREGNANT. SO I WAS A LITTLE STRESSED OUT.

SO WE FINALLY DECIDED TO PUT A HAULT ON THINGS THAT DON'T HAVE TO DO WITH US HAVING A BABY. SO WE DECIDED TO GO WITH TRYING IVF .

SO TODAY I CALLED DR.CRAIG AT THE OU MEDICAL CENTER TODAY AND SET UP A NEW CLEINT APPT. FOR NOV 12TH AT 2:00! IT WAS A LITTLE SUREAL AND I HAD A LOT OF EMONTION GOING THROUGH MY HEAD. I WAS A LITTLE SCARED,HAPPY,NERVOUS AND REALLY HOPEFUL. SO I GUESS THAT'S A GOOD SIGN I GUESS. I JUST HOPE SHE'S THE RIGHT DR. FOR US. I HOPE THAT NOV COMES QUICKLY.

SO TODAY FEELS LIKE A NEW DAY OF HOPE AND STRENGTH FOR ME.I FEEL LIKE I NEEDED SOMETHING POSITIVE TO LOOK TOWARDS I DON'T HANDLE MORE THAN ONE MAJOR THING IN MY LIFE AT A TIME. MY MOM TOLD ME THAT GOD HEARS YOUR PRAYERS AND KNOW WHAT YOU HEART DESIRES,BUT... HE WANTS TO KNOW THAT YOU CAN BE HAPPY WITHOUT THAT ONE THING YOU DESIRE.
I KNOW THAT BRICE AND I ARE HAPPY TOGETHER WITHOUT A BABY BUT, I FEEL LIKE THEIR IS SOMETHING MISSING. IT DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT HAPPY JUST SOMETIMES EMPTY AND LOST. SO LORD PLEASE GRANT ME STRENGTH AND PATIENTCE!

up in the air!

i know it's been a while since i've wrote.... just kind of taking a break. not sure where i left off but, we have decided to quit the IUI. we did 4 IUI and really felt like that wasn't working for us. so now we are gonna go to the OU medical center in ok city and talked to one of their IVF doctors. they have a program that if IVF doesn't work we get 70% of our money back, you have a qualify for the program but... it's so worth trying. even though we have decided that what we're gonna do we haven't decided when....

i have mixed emontions on it. should we just jump in and go for it or should we try to save as much money as we can and wait? somedays i feel like a break would be the best option and then it's like i am just wasting time and need to just get it over with. it's really hard to decide.

brice and i will talk about it but ... at the end of the night i feel like we haven't gotten anywhere on the subject. so i feel stuck sometimes. i know that God is watching over us and will guide us on this rocky road. i know that this is our journey for now and it's his plan for us. i know that he will bless us with a family when it's his time . so until then i'm gonna keep praying and keep faith in God.

i'm gonna keep writing it,seems to help me vent and i can think out load when there's no one to talk to ! God bless you and until next time.....