THANKFUL AND HOPEFUL

WELL OVER THESE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS, I'VE HAD THANKSGIVING DINNER WITH TWO FAMILYS AND FELT VERY BLESSED! EVEN THOUGH I WAS ENJOYING THE LAUGHTER AND STORIES IBUT, IN THE BACK OF MY MIND,ALL I COULD THINK IS,  WILL NEXT YEAR BE  DIFFRENT FOR BRICE AND I? BUT, I DO THIS WITH EVERY HOLIDAY! AND WHEN THAT HOLIDAY COMES BACK AROUND AND IT'S STILL BRICE AND I ,I REALIZE MAN IT'S BEEN ANOTHER YEAR AND NO LUCK! IT SUCKS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE MONTH BY MONTH THEN IT'S ALREADY BEEN A YEAR . IT'S CRAZY HOW FAST TIME FLYS BY! BUT FOR SOME REASON,I FEEL LIKE NEXT THANKSGIVING FOR ATLEAST BY CHRISTMAS WE SHOULD HAVE A BABY TO ADD TO OUR FAMILY! SOMETIMES I LOOK AT US AND THINK,  IS IT TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE? FOR US TO HAVE A BABY IN OUR LIFE?? THEN SOME DAYS I CAN SEE IT AND ALMOST FEEL THAT BABY!!! BUT THERE  ARE DAYS WHEN I DON'T THINK IT WILL EVER HAPPEN FOR US AND IT'S JUST NOT MEANT TO BE ! BUT THANK GOODNESS I HAVE MORE OF THE GOOD FEELINGS THAN THE BAD!

NOT REALLY IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT THIS YEAR. NOT SURE WHY, MAYBE CAUSE I WON'T BE HERE FOR 10 DAYS,I DON'T KNOW. I WANT TO BE , THIS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR! ALL THE LIGHTS,SMELL OF TREES IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL. I MAY HAVE TO JUST MAKE MYSELF GET INTO THIS YEAR!

WELL I DID SET UP MY MEDS ON FRIDAY, AND MUCH TO MY SURPRISE THE MEDS ARE ONLY GONNA COST US 2,700 RATHER THAN THE 4,000 WE THOUGHT!! SO THAT WAS A HUGE RELIEF!! THEY ARE STILL CHECKING WITH OUR INSURANCE BUT, I DOUBT THEY COVER ANY OF IT! BUT THAT'S OK I HAPPY WITH THE 2,700 THEY TOLD US!

AND WE ARE DOING A PROGRAM THROUGH THE CLINIC  IT'S LIKE AN INSURANCE FOR US! WE PAY THE 16,000 UP FRONT TO THEM INSTEAD OF THE 9,000 IF WE JUST PAID THE CLINIC. BUT IF WE DON'T EVER BRING HOME A BABY WE GET 70%  OF OUR MONEY BACK THROUGH THIS PROGRAM! I WAS SHOCKED IT WASN'T BASED ON A + PREGNANT TEST IT'S WHEN YOU BRING HOME THAT SWEET BABY! AND IF I DO THIS THE ONE TIME AND CAN'T DO IT AGIAN I STILL GET THE MONEY BACK! WE HAVE 6 TRIES AND THEN IF IT'S DOESN;T WORK WE GET THAT MONEY BACK! SO ANYWAYS, WE DECIDED TO GO FOR IT AND JUST PAY THE EXTRA MONEY. AND IF IT WORKS THE FIRST TIME THEN THAT EXTRA MONEY WAS WELL WORTHT IT!! :) SO JUST A LITTLE INFO. ON THE STEPS WE'VE TAKEN SO FAR. I GO BACK MONDAY NIGHT TO THE CITY I HAVE AN APPT TUESDAY MORNING AT 8:30 FOR BLOOD WORK AND AN ULTRASOUND. AND THEN THE DR. IS GONNA GIVE US A SHOT CLASS SO WE KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!! :( NOT LOOKING FORWORD TO THIS PART!!! BUT OH WELL IT'S GOTTA BE DONE!

I WILL POST AGAIN AFTER OUR APPT ! GOD BLESS

tests and more tests!

well yesterday (tuesday) we were back in the city for my not so fun tests! i've had this test done before in amarillo before my last surgry and it sucks!!! not really sure what the correct term is but... they clamp something on your cervic and then they put a balloon in your utres and blow that up so they can see the linning in your utres! it's not fun but i think i did much better this time than last one i've had done. i cried like a baby on the last one,but this go round i knew it wasn't gonna be pleasant. and then they did what they call a trail run on when they put the embryos in my urtes. that wasn't too bad . just so happy that those tests are done and out of the way! on the way home we got to talking about what we were gonna do about the payment that's due on the 2nd!!! it was here holy molly! so we had talked about this program that you pay these people up front an x amount and you get 3 fresh embryo tries and 3 frozen embryo tires. and if that doesn't work you get 70% of your money back,but if it does work then the program is over! so i guess we've decided to go with that! if we went through the clinic it will be 9,000 plus meds which are 3-4,000! and this other program that we got approved for, is 16,000 plus meds! so.... we're taking a small risk by paying more but our life never goes like we hoped it will or nothing comes easy to us i guesss! so we just bit the bullett and did the program. the nurse at the clinic called and ordered my meds yesterday and i'll be talking to them asap to get it all paid for. hate paying that much money for meds but when they're all SHOTS i hate it even more!!! so brice and i are gonna be broke broke broke!! this  is the first time we've really had to watch what we spend, and live on a budget! i know that all that would change when we finally got pregnant so it's just starting early! it's all gonna be ok i have faith! i'll get used to not buying whatever i want,working more than what i do now. i pray that my bussiness stays busy. so, we go back to the city on the 2nd for blood work,ultra sound and a shot class :) yeah!!! NOT! the calender we got on tuesday is super busy there's a lot of stuff on that thing, but it's nice to have so i will know what all is gonna be going on. i have to be in the city the 5th-15th! thanks goodness we have family that we stay with and i won't have to stay in a hotel ever! :) that's been a total blessing. and she's a nurse so she can give me my shot for those 10 days!!!

last night and this morning i felt like i was in fog! it's all so over whelming but, i know that God is holding my hand through all of this and he will lead the way! i wasn't in a good mood at all the today, i was so busy and trying to figure out the whole money thing with this IVF. i really just wanted to escape all day today! but i knew what ever i felt like in that moment that it would all be forgotten when i would hold my baby or even the day they say that i'm pregnant! i can't wait till all this is over and i'm holding my baby or babies!! i can't hardly wait!! brice has been so good through all of this and he knows it's gonna get worse with all these hormones but, he's really understanding and i know he feels bad that i'm having to go through all this. not sure he would trade me spots if he could but.... i know he does feel bad! i love him and i know we will get through this and will be on top when we do!!!! hope you all have a HAPYY THANKSGIVING,and be thankful for your family and the life you have. God bless

DOWN THE ROAD WE GO!!

Well where do i start! On thursday the 12th was the day we drove to ok city to meet our IVF dr. couldn't believe this day was here,so we walked into the most welcoming office,it felt like someone's living room. we finally went back and talked to Dr. Craig,and right away i knew that i was gonna love her! And we both love love her! She's so down to earth and very easy to talk to . That made such a huge impact on me. So anyways,she went over all the steps we would be going through with IVF ,it was a little overwhelming but i had a huge grin on my face the whole time :) well until she brought up the SHOTS that is!! but... i know it's so small price to pay for the moment i can hold my baby!! So,we went back and the nurse (connie) atempted to draw my blood uhhh yeah that wasn't fun but finally 3rd try and a new nurse we got it done~ and then dr.craig asked us when we would be ready to start IVF and i very quickly said TODAY? she said well.... you're where you need to be to start today so,let's do it! Just like that! we are now going down the IVF road hopefully at the end of that road there will be a sweet healthy baby waiting for me to love and raise!!!

I got a call yesterday that i needed to be back in the city on Tuesday for more testing and they would have a complete calendar for us,with all the dates and things we would be doing. I'm so happy to get that calendar i like to know what and when  will be going on in my life. i know the SHOTS are just around the corner and that scares,i just want to get it over with! I've been taking birthcontrol pills and lupron pills as well. I've been getting small headaches but she said that the lupron would cause those,just as long as the hot flashes stay away.  I read my "infertile" freind's blog today and it made me cry,i felt her heart ache , her pain and her tears. her last embryo didn't take and she's out of IVF funds. it just breaks my heart,i hate it and i don;t understand??? Life sometimes it's so unfair and cruel,but she's so strong and i know with her faith and prayer she will get through this! until next time, God Bless!

dreams!

well the week that i've been waiting for since september is now here!!! i know it's just our new client appt. but i know all the question we have will be answered to a point i guess. i really can't wait to know how much it's gonna cost and what the dr. thinks about our "problem"! i've really kind of just put all my feeling about it to the back burner and just chilled out for awhile,until the past few days.... i woke up one morning and my pillow was wet and my face was too! i had been crying in my dreams and it was so real that i was actually crying. i do this sometimes when i have bad dreams, but this one was a wonderful dream,  my dr. had told me that i was PREGNANT!! I woke up feeling like i and had this feeling of joy and happiness and theni relized that it was JUST a dream.. but  it was so sureal i can't wait till that moment. i used to think of ways to tell brice that we were gonna have a baby! i think everyone wants it to be some really specail,something you'll never forget but.... i know that when those WORDS come out of our dr.'s mouth it will be a moment that brice and i will NEVER forget! i know that God will bless us when it's our time and we will rejoice with everyone that knows our story!! i can;t wait!! :) i'll be posting about our appt. it's on the 12th! keep us in your prayers please! God bless