not what i wantedt to see!

well i've made it home from my cousins girl trip in mason tx. it was a lot of fun, we got to catch up and hear some really funny and sad stories. the whole time i was there the thoughts in the back of my head..... am i pregnant? everytime i had a cramp my hopes would go down a little then my cousins were telling me that they cramped right before they found out they were pregnant. so... my hopes would go back up. I really felt that i was pregnant this time. but sunday night at 11:27, "AUNT FLOW" came for a unwanted visit.:( so today i haven't been feeling too good i'm tired and i have cramps pretty bad today, besides my emotions ...... what are we gonna do? when are we gonna go to the dr. and see what he has to say, how long is the waiting time before we can get into the dr. and how much is this gonna cost us?

about a week or so ago i kept thinking that our life would be so much easier if we were pregnant. things would just fit into place and so much weight would be lifted off our shoulders. but i do know that this isn't in our control. i just have to keep my faith in the Lord and trust in him. he know what's best for us and won't put anything in front of us that we can't handle. so even though i don't think i can handle giving myself shots everyday and being on all sorts of meds, i guess i'll just have to, since that's looks like our next step, i guess i'll have to surprise myself .i'm ready to see what the dr has to say and hear his advice.

so today i'm gonna lay around and take it easy and do a little research on IVF,but... not too much i don't want to freak myself out. until next time, God bless

GOD WAS TALKING TO ME TODAY

WELL......... WHERE DO I START? THIS MORNING AT CHURCH WAS SO TOUCHING. I FELT AS THOUGH IT WAS ME BROTHER JOE AND GOD . AS I WAS SITTING THERE LISTENING TEARS JUST STARTED ROLLING DOWN MY CHEEK AND THE WATER WORKS WERE ON! HOW CAN YOU NOT GET EMONTIONAL WHEN THE LORD IS SPEAKING TO YOU? I WAS WAITING TO HEAR A SERMON LIKE THAT I KNEW HE WOULD SPEAK TO ME ANYTIME.

SO I GUESS YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING WHAT THE SERMON WAS ABOUT?

WELL IT WAS ABOUT PAUL AND SILAS TAKING THEIR JOURNEY TO MACEDONIA. AND HOW GOD CAN TELL YOU NO! AND WHEN HE DOESN'T ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS IT'S BECAUSE HE HAS OTHER PLANS FOR YOU. PAUL WAS TOLD NO WHEN HE WANTED TO SPREAD THE GOSPEL TO PROVINCE OF ASIA. BECAUSE HE WAS TO BE IN JAIL IN MACEDONIA TO SAVE THE JAILER THAT WAS KEEPING HIM CAPTIVE. IT'S AN AWESOME STORY I CAN'T WAIT TO FINISH IT.

ANYWAYS, NOT BEING ABLE TO CONCIEVE WHEN WE WANTED TO, ISN'T ABOUT ME OR BRICE, IT'S ALL ABOUT GOD AND HIS JOURNEY FOR US. AND IT REALLY HIT HOME THAT THIS ISN'T ABOUT POOR SUNNYE. CAN'T GET PREGNANT WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED...... I KNOW NOW THAT THAT WASN'T MY JOURNEY IN LIFE AND I KNOW THAT GOD HAS A PERFECT PLAN FOR US. AND UNTIL THAT HAPPENS I'M AT PEACE WITH IT.

IF BECOMING CLOSER TO GOD AND SPREADING THE WORD OF GOD IS WHAT WE HAVE TO DO, BEFORE WE BECOME PARENTS I'M GONNA GIVE MY ALL TO DO JUST THAT. I DO FEEL LIKE I'M BECOMING CLOSER AND UNDERSTANDING MORE . MY EARS ARE OPEN TO HIS WORDS AND I'M EAGER TO LEARN MORE AND MORE.

TODAY WAS LIKE A HUGE LIGHT BULB FINALLY SWITCHING ON. I LOVE THESE DAYS.:)UNTIL NEXT TIME GOD BLESS ! THE SERMON WAS OVER ACTS CHAPTER 16

so today was not such a great day........ my car went to the shop in amarillo and of course the thing that's wrong with it isn't covered with our warrenty. surprise surprise. it's always something. i need that money to stay in the "baby" fund. so now i'm just gonna try my hardest to stay positive and trust n God to help us through this. but other than that bad news things are going good. my spirits are good i really haven't thought about the baby thing. ever now and then i pat my tummy and say...."grow baby grow! " i can't wait till the 17th to see if we're pregnant. but then on the other hand there's always the alternative. but either way something will change in our lives. i'm ready! i think we're both ready! maybe the car thing is to distract me from stressing out about getting pregnant and stress out about something else. wish it was something that doesn't cost so much but whatever it takes. well that's it really! God bless

when it rains it pours

well last night our car decided to give us problems. SURPRISE no not really, here we are trying to save every penny we can (without going insane). and now our car isn't running at all! i know the devil is doing this , he's trying to steer us away from God, and guess what it's not gonna happen. i see right through him . even though i really want to have a pity party and cry i know that the Lord will take care of this and it will work its self out. so i still have faith i know it could be a lot worse.

so this afternoon i had tons of things to do but, wasn't in the mood to do any of them.so i chose not to. but i did choose to scrapbook. i got lost in it for like 2hrs. no wondering about anything fertilty no worrying about my car or money. just me and those pictures. it was nice to be able to escape at your dinner table. i would have rather be at the beach but you take what you can get.

well that's all i really have to write about today. Until next time! God bless

JUST ANOTHER DAY

NOT MUCH IS NEW TODAY. WENT TO CHURCH THIS MORINING AND THIS EVENING. GOT READY TO HEAD HOME, AND ......MY CAR WOULDN'T START!!! UHHHHHHHHH NOT WHAT WE NEED RIGHT NOW. HAVEN'T EVEN HAD THE CAR FOR MORE THAN A YR. WE THINK IT MIGHT BE THE FUEL PUMP! HERE WE ARE TRYING TO BE ON A BUDGET AND THIS HAPPENS, SO I WILL PRAY TONIGHT THAT GOD TAKES CARE OF THE PROBLEM AND WE CAN KEEP THAT MONEY IN THE BABY FUND! MY MOOD HAS BEEN OK THIS WEEKEND NOTHING REALLY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT JUST BLAH! I GUESS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS. ANYWAYS, UNTIL NEXT TIME. GOD BLESS

very important day

well today was our IUI appt. we had to be in amarillo by 9:00 so it was an early morning. everything went good,it seemed that i was more relaxed this time . so maybe it will finally take. i said a prayer right before we went in that i have complete faith that God will watch over us and bless us with a family when the time is right. and to please give me strength if i'm not pregnant in 2 weeks.

my cousin has been sending quotes of the day and the last 2 that i have read have really hit home. here they are :

Faith must always be present tense reality, not a distant memory. God will turn your scars into stars!!!

Find strength through adversity,God has a divine purpose for every challenge that comes into our lives.Trials test our character and help shape our faith! character is not bulit on top of the mountain

those really made a alot of sense to me. just wanted to share those with ya. it's been a long day ready to go to church in the morning and listen to what God is trying to tell me. I pray that my ears are open to his words. until next time! God bless