FIRST STEP

WELL YESTERDAY WAS A REALLY BAD DAY FOR ME. I HAVEN'T HAD ONE IN A WHILE AND BOY DID IT EVER HIT.... I CRIED ALL DAY,FELT LIKE I WAS DRIVING BRICE AWAY I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS FALLING OFF THE DEEP END. BUT..... THEN BRICE AND I TALKED WE HAD MANY THINGS IN OUR LIFE THAT WE HAD TO MAKE DECISIONS ON SUCH AS.... NEW FLOORING IN OUR HOUSE,NEW ROOF,OR TRYING TO BUY A HOUSE IN THE COUNTRY. OH AND TRYING TO GO ON VACATION! YEAH ALONG WITH TRYING TO GET PREGNANT. SO I WAS A LITTLE STRESSED OUT.

SO WE FINALLY DECIDED TO PUT A HAULT ON THINGS THAT DON'T HAVE TO DO WITH US HAVING A BABY. SO WE DECIDED TO GO WITH TRYING IVF .

SO TODAY I CALLED DR.CRAIG AT THE OU MEDICAL CENTER TODAY AND SET UP A NEW CLEINT APPT. FOR NOV 12TH AT 2:00! IT WAS A LITTLE SUREAL AND I HAD A LOT OF EMONTION GOING THROUGH MY HEAD. I WAS A LITTLE SCARED,HAPPY,NERVOUS AND REALLY HOPEFUL. SO I GUESS THAT'S A GOOD SIGN I GUESS. I JUST HOPE SHE'S THE RIGHT DR. FOR US. I HOPE THAT NOV COMES QUICKLY.

SO TODAY FEELS LIKE A NEW DAY OF HOPE AND STRENGTH FOR ME.I FEEL LIKE I NEEDED SOMETHING POSITIVE TO LOOK TOWARDS I DON'T HANDLE MORE THAN ONE MAJOR THING IN MY LIFE AT A TIME. MY MOM TOLD ME THAT GOD HEARS YOUR PRAYERS AND KNOW WHAT YOU HEART DESIRES,BUT... HE WANTS TO KNOW THAT YOU CAN BE HAPPY WITHOUT THAT ONE THING YOU DESIRE.
I KNOW THAT BRICE AND I ARE HAPPY TOGETHER WITHOUT A BABY BUT, I FEEL LIKE THEIR IS SOMETHING MISSING. IT DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT HAPPY JUST SOMETIMES EMPTY AND LOST. SO LORD PLEASE GRANT ME STRENGTH AND PATIENTCE!